This week, I’m going to stray from the blogging about the topics that I’ve learning about through my current IMC 621 course. First, because no one seems to want to blog with me about those topics, and second, I had an epiphany the other night.

My epiphany? I have no discipline.

In reflecting back on my time in the IMC program, I think that the most challenging aspect of the program has been the self-discipline that each of us must have. When we first went through the application process to enter IMC, I think that each student must really think and challenge themselves on the issue of discipline. Yes, IMC is time-consuming. Yes, it’s stressful. Yes, it’s lengthy. But all of that is manageable if you’re a disciplined person.

School has always come easy to me. I really never had to study, yet I would get good grades. In undergrad, I definitely had to learn study skills and apply those in order to receive a passing grade. It was easier then, simply because you’re surrounded by people who are all doing the same thing. Grad school is a different world, though, especially a program like IMC.

I’ve determined that there are four distinct stages of my IMC discipline, or lack thereof:

Internal Arguments
It all begins on Monday mornings. I wake up for work and begin my day, but immediately start to chart out how I will approach the schoolwork for the evening. For me, I’m typically putting the finishing touches on a paper that will need to be submitted and beginning to read and write my post for the week. All day, I have voices arguing back and forth about what does and does not need to be done that evening. Should I work ahead or should I relax? Should I rewrite part of the paper I’m about the turn in or just leave it as is? Will I start it early or wait until my favorite TV show is over? On and on the argument goes?

Negotiating
After I’ve resolved myself to sitting down in front of the computer for an evening of school work, I begin to negotiate with myself. This is a complicated process involving formulas of time and space. Again, the internal voices return but this time they negotiate. If I do school work for an hour, then I can watch TV for one half hour. If I read, I’ll do it lying down and I can keep the TV on in the background. If I get bored with school work, then I’ll do laundry as a break, but only when there’s a commercial on TV.

Excuses
Once the school work begins, it’s very easy for me to get distracted. I tend to make excuses for myself to engage in other activities instead of school work because laundry won’t do itself, I have to do it tonight. The dog needs to go for a walk, this is a perfect time to go (even though its dark and only 20 degrees).I’ve been meaning to reorganize the pantry for the past year, tonight’s the best time for that task. Excuses, excuses. None of these things REALLY need done, but I make every effort to avoid work.

Rewards
When I do finally get my schoolwork done (which always happens), I immediately move to a reward phase. I consistently reward myself for getting the work done, whether it’s an extra helping of dessert, or a new blouse at the mall, or a nap in the evening. I deserve it, right?

This blog will be perplexing to anyone who knows me, simply because I project an image of a disciplined and regimented individual. I think that I even believed that at one time about myself! IMC has taught me otherwise. I want to do good work, but I’ve learned that I want it to be on my own terms. My elaborate way of approaching IMC work is probably fodder for a psychological evaluation. That’s okay. I think that the IMC journey has been an exciting one. I wouldn’t change a bit of it…even the lack of discipline!

Mo